hi, i’m blair and i’m addicted to instagram.

It’s hard for me to believe we’ve arrived in 2015 already.

That means it’s been 15 years since I was in high school riding around in my green Jetta with a giant motorola cell phone. Texting didn’t exist yet. Neither did Facebook or blogs. Life was simply full of moments spent being really immersed in my social life and the possibility of love, an adventure, and growing into my adult self.

It’s amazing how much has changed because of technology. My generation in particular has experienced a huge evolution in human kind–we’ve gone from worrying about what our immediate peers thought of us to what our social media followers think of our most recent posts. We live in a world where we are faced with being liked as a person AND as the virtual version of ourselves–the self we have created, manipulated, and shaped to look happy, fun, and special.

Truly, “like” has a whole new meaning.

I recently came to the realization–through my own self awareness and a few conversations with my boyfriend, intervention style –that I am addicted to Instagram and it’s affecting my level satisfaction and happiness–in a bad way. Sounds ridiculous, but it’s the truth and I know I’m not the only one!

My relationship with Instagram started out pretty innocently when I signed up in 2012. At first, I wasn’t that interested. I posted sporadically and scrolled through from time to time. But then, I discovered the joy of over 11 people “liking” my stuff. So I posted more hoping the growth would continue.

And then, I felt the high of my number of followers growing. It was exciting; I felt wanted and seen.

Soon, the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did before bed was scroll through, hoping to see that little orange heart or avatar pop up when I opened the app. I found myself feeling a shot of happiness when I saw it–an instant ego boost. But then there was the disappointment that came with nothing–no orange icons to be seen. That sinking feeling was even worse when I saw posts about exotic vacations to Tulum, Greece, Costa Rica, and more. I want that life. My life isn’t cool enough. Talk about comparison times 1,000. SO unhealthy–and P.S. I still worry about being cool? Come on.

I let it make me feel bad about myself. Yet, I continued to check it countless times a day. In between meetings, on the subway, when I felt like procrastinating, when my friend left the dinner table to go to the bathroom…any opening I had in life turned into  checking Instagram.

As I started building my business, I began to believe that posting every day was crucial to my success as an entrepreneur–if I didn’t post people would miss me or unfollow me. My popularity was at stake–oh no! Yet, I haven’t gotten one single paying client from posting–TRUTH–and perhaps that’s not really the point of Instagram. BUT I spend way too much time on it and that’s a problem.

My relationship with Instagram admittedly turned into a bad habit–one that brought on more feelings of competition and comparison than joy.

So, what am I doing about it?

Well, I’ve boldly decided to delete Instagram from my life for the whole month of January–totally crazy, I know. Trust me, this was not an easy decision to make and that is kind of pathetic–I’m having serious withdrawal. But as each day goes by since my last post on January 1st, I’m feeling less and less pulled to find out what’s going on in there–who’s posting what, who liked my pictures, or who started following me. I’ve decided to just let it all go and create space to take back my precious time and mind.

I’ll keep you updated on this daring adventure weekly, where I’ll hopefully continue feeling less and less attached to my beloved app. The goal is to regain perspective on what’s real and concrete in my life and to only spend my time on things that are productive and make me feel good. And no I will not use Facebook or Twitter as a crutch in the meantime. If you see me posting there, it will only be to share blog posts.

It may sound crazy to some people that social media has affected me in this way–but this is happening to too many of us. Our sense of joy and self-esteem is too easily put in the hands of the virtual world. It’s really important to take a step back and do a little “social media cleanse.” It’s really the only way to keep any possible obsession at bay!

Are you starting to feel like Instagram or Facebook or Twitter are impacting your happiness? Perhaps it’s time to do a cleanse too. I’d love for you to join me and share your experience in the comments below as you let go of your obsession too. If I can do it, you can do it!