allow me to reintroduce myself

Back in June, I was casually scrolling through Instagram like I always do (100x per day). Since I prefer to follow people that inspire me, I see a million different inspirational quotes in one swipe. But on this day, I saw one that spoke to me like whoa.

“If you know me based on who I was a year ago, you don’t know me at all. My growth game is strong. Allow me to reintroduce myself.”

Holy shitballs, this quote is literally for me.

Let me explain.

Last summer, my life kind of fell apart. It was as if the Universe was like, “ok, Blair, it’s time for a life upgrade and it’s going to hurt a little… ok, a lot.”

The first thing that crumbled was my full-time job. Read this post to get the scoop.

The second was my relationship. My 6-year relationship. This guy was like family to me; someone I knew really, really well; someone I loved dearly; and someone I thought I should marry. We had been talking about getting engaged and were planning to move in together. The natural next step after nearly a decade together.

I wanted to feel beyond excited about all of it. Instead, I felt a twinge in my gut whenever the topic came up. My body seemed to contract at the mention of cohabitating or getting proposed to. As someone who has had a hard time trusting herself, I tried to push the feeling away. Hoping it would just disappear.

It didn’t. After months of meditation, journaling, reading, researching, and trying to find something that would explain this dreadful feeling, I had to face the truth. It didn’t feel right to continue being with this wonderful person.

Allowing myself to accept the truth was so incredibly painful. I felt like part of me was dying. And as I opened up to him about this, I hurt him deeply. And it hurt me to witness that. Throughout the process of our breakup, I was so terrified of making a mistake.

What if the reasons this relationship felt wrong were things I would get over in the long run?
What if they became less important to me over time?
What if I never meet someone else?

Fear and self-doubt pushed me to compromise, while a very grounded, wise side of me nudged me not to (my higher self, perhaps).

After much deliberation, I let the relationship go. For good. It was awful. I mean, is there anything more heart wrenching than a break up?

Immediately after it was over, I felt instant relief. I felt my body relax and the knots in my stomach disappeared.

I had made the right decision. And from that moment forward I promised myself to always trust my gut; to always feel into situations and relationships with that first; not my head. Because my head took me on a crazy-ass journey into fear and needing to find proof that my gut was right.

What I realized is that we don’t need proof. We just need to trust. And when we do that, everything turns out just fine in the end.

So you’re probably wondering how my life is different now.

Well, I’m kinda in love with my dream guy. Ok, I’m really in love with my dream guy. Ugh, I’m cringing because that sounds so stupid cheesy. But it’s true! I feel the way I’ve always wanted to feel in a romantic relationship: confident, desired, adored, respected, expansive, free, adventurous, understood, seen, heard, safe, held …

I truly believe that honoring my truth is what allowed this person to come into my life. It’s as if all of the things that were blocking me from having what I really wanted disintegrated a soon as a I let go of what was not making me happy.

Although leaving my fulltime job was incredibly unsettling, working there felt totally out of alignment, as if I had outgrown it.

Today, I have my own business. A business that I never even imagined for myself. And it’s going insanely well! I not only have the freedom I’ve always craved, but I get to help people with my natural talents: coaching, writing, and taking pictures. Nothing makes me happier than sitting down with a new client to map out their unique brand; to help them get clarity; and give them what they need to get their services out into the world.

To top it all off, I have made ah-mazing new friends. I’m talking soul sisters. People who I can connect with deeply, be my true self around, and be open and honest without judgment. Sometimes, I can’t believe I have all the things I’ve been daydreaming about for years. And sometimes I have to remind myself that “this is it.” All of this—my work, my relationship, my community—is what I’ve been trying to create in my life. It’s easy to forget!

The secret to getting what you want in life is… trusting yourself, moving in the direction of what feels good, and surrendering the outcome over and over again. You may be surprised how much your life changes as a result.

I’d love to hear about your experience with trusting your gut. Are you someone who’s struggled with that? Or have you learned to radically trust your intuition? Please share in the comments below!